if I can just give you one piece of advice
I love to give advice. The more astute amongst us has no doubt noticed this already. I, not being nearly as bright, only noticed it when I was categorizing my blogs and almost every one fell into the advice category.
Nothing excites me more than when someone says, "Sarah, I need your advice!" Because I know I'm about to get 1) a good story, and 2) to talk for a while about what I would do in that particular situation. (Though in full discloser, I most often play the devil's advocate in such situations, and I'm not completely sure why, except to say that it's easier giving someone else's spouse the benefit of the doubt.) The thing about advice is that if you offer it unsolicited, you will probably be considered bossy. There's such a fine line between providing wise counsel, and being a pushy judgmental know-it-all.
But what do you do when you think you know it all? Therein likes my dilemma. I always tell Greg he may be book smart, but I'm street smart. (And then we laugh because we both know I'd be dead in 0.2 seconds in a bad part of town.) But what I am, in reality, is emotionally smart.
So, as a late birthday present to myself (yes, not to embarrass anyone, but it was my birthday last week), I'm allowing myself to give my best advice. The good news is you can skip over parts you find offensive. The bad news is that some of this might hit close to home, but remember I'm not thinking of you in particular, this is just coming from 42 years of astute observations, so take it as you will.
Here goes, I'll start off easy:
Cooking:
To make boiled eggs where the shells peel easily, poke a hole with a thumb tac into the end of the eggs before you boil them.
Put your favorite recipes in a 3-ring binder in plastic sheets, and divide
by main meals, soups/salads/apps, breakfast, and desserts. Earmark the recipes you'll be using each week with a post-it note.
See? That wasn't so bad!
Motivation:
Figure out when you are at your peak energy (for me, it's around 9am, right after I've had a good night's sleep and a bottle of kombucha), and tackle your most put-off projects during this time. Take me for example, it's 8:45 Saturday, and I'm writing this blog, because I'm high on caffeine. I'm saving cleaning the house until later because I can do that in my sleep (and actually prefer it that way). Sometimes while vacuuming I black out, only to come-to polishing the toilet bowl.
Write down your goals--be specific, and reward yourself for a job well done...or, just done. I love to write lists in the summer for what we plan to accomplish so that we can cross things off. Sometimes I write them with dry erase markers on the fridge. The key here is to allow whomever completes the project to cross it off (or people will get upset). When we were first married, we had two years as DINKS (dual-income-no-kids), so we wrote down our debts including 2 college, 2 cars, and one wedding ring (though I told Greg not to spend more than $500), and crossed them off as we paid each off. It was the most fun I've ever had. (That's sad.)
Organization:
Make a pass through your house every day, at least putting things in their correct rooms, work your way up to their correct spots.
Several times a year, I suggest going through the entire house making sure you don't have extra stuff. Work one room at a time, maybe doing one or two rooms a week. Go through everything, and put anything you don't want in a pile. The key is, not to worry about where it goes from there, that will just slow you down. Be ruthless, if you haven't worn it for a year, get rid of it. If you're only keeping it because it you think someday you may need a deviled egg holder, but you don't make deviled eggs, get rid of it. When you're finished, you'll have a whole big pile o' crap. At which point you can turn on a favorite show, and sort this pile into throw away, give away, and sell piles. If you are a kind of mother who cleans out her kid's room, put everything you want to get rid of into a bag and hide that bag for a couple months to see if the kid notices anything missing. If not, get rid of the bag and don't let your child visit your local donation center for a good six months, or else you'll end up buying back an old VHS of Barney for fifty cents on the dollar.
Once a year, thoroughly clean every room in your house (as in the ceiling cobwebs, under the couch, baseboards, walls etc.).
Only make your bed if it makes you feel better.
I have two wall files in my closet; in one I keep papers that need to be
filed, and in the other papers that need to be kept in memory boxes or albums of some sort (pictures, art work, nice notes). I let these build up until overflowing, and then will put on a favorite show and file my brains out. Note that when picking out a show, chose one that you know by heart (in my case Seinfeld, Dick Van Dyke, or Mary Tyler Moore) so that you don't get distracted.
Each of the four of us has a large plastic memory tub in the basement. I toss precious keepsakes in the tubs as they become available. When the
tub is full, sorry, no more memories.
I never sort my laundry. For reals. I stuff as much as I legally can into a large, warm water cycle, and call it a day. When the clothes are dry, I either throw them into the appropriate baskets, or if I'm feeling particularly charitable, I'll fold them before I toss them into people's baskets.
Finances:
Start the year with a clean manilla folder marked: Taxes 2018, then as the year progresses, throw any receipts, or pertinent tax info in there so you'll be all set come next tax season.
Make a budget for yourself, and include annual or quarterly expenses so that when the time comes to pay your car insurance, say, you'll have the proper amount set aside already (my annual/quarterly funds include gifts, insurance, travel, car repairs, etc.)
Don't buy a new car. Unless it rains money in your house, in which case you can do anything you want––and perhaps I should take some advice from you!
Make a will and get life insurance. Especially if you have kids.
Beauty:
Do not, for the love, ever get lip injections or cheek implants. It makes you look, like, really bad.
I like to use witch hazel to clean my face, and I use baby oil to remove
eye makeup (though I never take make up off before bed--I have a feeling someone has some advice on that).
Don't try to look more than a decade younger than you are (so I'm shooting for 32 as of last Tuesday).
For a little more lift in your hair, tease the hair at the crown of your
head. Go crazy and experiment with your hair, worst case scenario you look really bad for a few months, but that will only build character.
Shopping:
Don't get groceries when you're super hungry.
Don't go clothes shopping when your hair looks super good.
When you go shopping, make a list and stick to it (this includes clothes shopping). Again, unless money is not an issue for you, in which case, don't write a list and have at it.
Health:
For cold sore sufferers: I swear by Zovirax ointment, and steer clear of chocolate and the sun.
For anxiety sufferers: I have enjoyed Celexa, and healing my gut (look it up).
For autoimmune sufferers: I suggest changing your diet. Drugs are wonderful, but your gut is what started the problem, so heal it. Change what you have control over.
For heart palpitation sufferers: get off alcohol, caffeine, and stress and see if it makes a difference.
If you have a UTI or if you even think you have one: use D-Mannose. This
natural sugary powder can be eaten with applesauce or taken as a pill, and it takes care of the problem without antibiotics, plus it's totally safe for kids!
If you have a severe condition, do a LOT of research and change your diet. Food can help in the healing process.
Almost everyone needs supplemental Vitamin D, especially if you have SAD or attention problems.
Be your own health advocate.
If it's covered by insurance, get the recommended screenings (mammograms, pap smears, colonoscopy) even if there are no problems in your family. Better safe than sorry!
Remember that mental/emotional health is as important as physical health, so figure out what you need to feel good, and do it. Figure out how to manage stress, because that can make you miserable (and lead to physical problems).
Relationships:
Do not settle on a spouse. Make a list of what you need and what you want and do not deviate from the needs section. Don't marry someone for their looks, because those probably will change. Know that anything that drives you crazy about this person will only be magnified as the years progress, and think, Can I deal with this? Don't marry someone you can't trust. Don't marry someone who isn't kind to their parents. Don't marry someone who doesn't have good friends. Be careful with someone who doesn't take care of themselves. Remember that no one is perfect--not even you. Or me. (What?!)
The only person you can sometimes control is yourself. Don't try to control anyone else. But don't let people take advantage of you, set boundaries that you're comfortable with.
You don't have to agree on politics, religion, or economics with everyone you're close to. The only person you have to be preferably on the same page with is your spouse, and if not the same page, then hopefully the same chapter at least.
Remember to have good friends you have to be a good friend. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh and make you want to be better. If someone continually makes you feel bad about yourself, tries to compete (in an annoying way), tries to control you, or never shows up, do not put your efforts into that relationship. Good friends are like family--they will always be a part of your life.
I think it is so important to enjoy being with yourself. If you don't, figure out why. Don't look to another person (kid, spouse, friend) to complete you.
Figure out what you need in order to feel loved, and communicate that with the appropriate people.
Parenting:
Don't give your kids smartphones just because you think you have no choice. Some kids can handle them, but most can't. Not to be dark, but pre-teen/teen suicide, depression, and anxiety rates are skyrocketing, and if you think about the main things that have changed in the past 10 years, it has a lot to do with social media and the inability to relate in actual person without frequently conferring with a phone. Many adults can't handle 24/7 access to the internet, let alone teens, whose brains are developing according to their day-to-day sensory experiences. Our kids need to be unplugged for long enough to get bored, which pushes them into creativity and face-to-face interactions. There, I said it.
Never, I repeat, never say anything negative about your body in front of your kid. If you see your child starting to weigh themselves regularly, throw away the scale.
Never say anything (super) negative about your spouse in front of your kids, your parents, or anyone actually.
You can be good friends with your kids, but don't let that stop you from telling them what to do. That's the beauty of parenting, you can boss your little "friends" around. Tell them that they can come to you with any question and be honest with them.
Living well:
Everyone has the same amount of time (24 hours a day). You literally can't do it all. Saying "yes" to something means saying "no" to other things, so figure out what you want your yes's to be, and be ok with the no's. And with your nose. (Fun fact, our noses and ears never stop growing.) And you don't have to lie or explain yourself. Just say, "I'm sorry, that's not going to work for me right now," and leave it at that. Unless it's a friend or kid trying to sell you something, in which case simply say, "Well, aren't you the cutest?! You know what, I'm not on the market for a new * right now, but if a need opens up, I sure know where I'm going to go!"
If you're not satisfied with your job, house, marriage, or situation in general, quit complaining and do something to change it.
If you need more joy or contentment, change who you're comparing yourself to, do something for someone else, and start naming your blessings.
Do something that makes you nervous a few times a year. Whether this means speaking in public, inviting someone you don't know well over for supper, or dancing at a wedding, just do it.
Never stop learning. Don't say you're "too old" to do something, unless it's wearing skin-tight leggings and a crop top.
Don't leave your dog's poop in someone else's yard, your kids too long at someone else's house, or your cleavage in someone else's husband's eyesight. It's just rude.
Admit when you're wrong. Even to your kids.
Don't hang your pictures too high, the focal point should be about eye-level or just slightly above. Remember that in decorating, things should be displayed or hung in odd numbers.
For the love, put your freaking phone away when you go out to eat. You're not that important. Take a look at the person sitting across from you and have what's called an "in-person conversation."
Take advantage of your local library.
Good heavens, I think I could go on forever. I may have a problem. Ok, just one last one: People like to hear themselves talk, so take any and all advice with a grain of salt. Sometimes people give advice more because it's something they need to do, as opposed to something you need to hear. But every once in a while, you'll hear a piece of advice that turns everything you know on it's head, and you'll think to yourself, What?! Now why didn't I think of that? and that will make all the bad advice worth it!