oops, i did it again

So Kate had an assignment this week which required one of her parents to tell about a mistake we've made, and what we learned from it. I hate questions like this. Not because I haven't made mistakes (though we weren't allowed to talk about car accidents, which leaves me with very little to work with), but because my mind doesn't work this way. It's like those job interview questions, "Tell us about a time you had to overcome an obstacle and ultimately succeeded?" (Can I say "Getting through this freaking job interview?!") Anyhow, thankfully Greg spent close to an hour typing up his response so I didn't have to. (He wanted it to read well and ring true to Zeeland Christian's 7th grade student body.)

Ironically, while I couldn't think of one mistake I've made, the second Greg completed our homework assignment, I have made nothing but mistakes. Earlier this week. I guess I told Greg he had to be at Elia's parent meeting at 7pm, and that they'd be doing 15 minute intervals, when in fact it actually started at 6:45pm, and it was in 45 minute intervals. So he stood just outside big glass doors staring at the room of prompt parents, waiting for the next session to start, and missed it all. I don't think he was super happy with me, but I didn't ask him, so who's to say.

So, yeah, we all make mistakes. Even me. I guess the question then is what are you going to do about it? If I can quote myself, I think I said it best in a letter to my friend's daughter, when I said, "You will make plenty of mistakes, that's inevitable, some bigger than others. (This will never change, by the way.) Apologize to the appropriate people, ask for forgiveness, learn your lessons, and move on without guilt." And I stand by this.

The problem, of course, comes when some of our mistakes are more costly than others. We make a mistake with a relationship, and they're never the same. We make a mistake with our car, and we injure our car or worse, a person. We make a mistake with our money, and it's gone. Yes, some mistakes come at a high cost to those making them, but I've got to believe few people go into a mistake after calculating the costs. (If they did, it wouldn't me a mis-take, it'd be on-purpose!) Every time I make a big mistake, I have an out-of-body experience where I say to myself, "This cannot be happening!" But it is. I guess the only thing I can do at that point is to, you know, learn where things went wrong and make mental notes to never do that again!

Speaking of making mistakes on purpose, the author of this Psychology Today article says to overcome perfectionistic traits or social anxiety, sometimes we should make mistakes on purpose. She suggests things like tripping in front of someone, paying the wrong amount, or have some part of your clothing appear inappropriate such as a label showing, shirt-tail out, mismatched socks, uncoordinated clothes. Done, done, and done. I think it's fair to say I will not struggle with perfectionism. Or pride.

The worst mistake I've made was 9 years ago. I knew some sensitive information about a friend, and when I was talking with another friend I assumed she knew this information as well, and talked like it was common knowledge. When I realized what I'd done, I came clean with friend #1 and apologized for my mistake. She said it was okay, but despite further attempts, she never spoke to me again. What did I learn from this? I learned that I need to be super careful with secrets, and that some friendships aren't as strong as I thought they were.

Alright, enough of that (I certainly don't want this to impede any secrets from coming my way--believe me, I've learned my lesson!) Here's Greg's 7th grade homework assignment:

“Wrong Door” by Greg Schemper

Have I ever made a mistake? Sure, plenty of them. But something notable is that I have a history of walking into the wrong bathroom––or the right bathroom, just at the wrong time; I’m not sure why I have this problem, but it’s probably because I tend to hyperfocus on some things and neglect other very important details.

When I say the “wrong bathroom,” you might have guessed that I mean the women’s bathroom. One time I as I was washing my hands while admiring the flowered wallpaper and thinking that this was the absolute nicest bathroom I had ever been in, my wife walked in. I looked at her in horrified shock and said, “Sarah, what are you doing?! You can’t come in here!”

Another time downtown Chicago because of a faulty lock, I unknowingly walked in on someone in a private bathroom. This time it was a men’s bathroom, thankfully. I tried to make small talk as I waited for the other occupant to finish up, but he seemed rather uptight. It wasn’t until I was leaving the bathroom myself that I noticed the broken lock, everything clicked, and I said to myself, So that’s why he hugged the wall when I walked in.

What have I learned from my bathroom experiences? Well, I’ve learned to double-check that the word Men’s or some image of a man is on or near the door I walk in. I’ve also learned that faulty locks can make for awkward bathroom conversations. But most importantly I’ve learned that I shouldn’t take myself too seriously––because as a man there’s no good way you can leave a women’s bathroom, except for maybe quickly.