all or nothing

If I can say one thing about myself, it's this: It's all or nothing with me. And my mind shuts off watching the slightest bit of action (sports or on tv). And I get irritated quickly by incompetence and entitlement. But I digress, I'd like to focus on the all or nothing part of me today.

So, I'm sitting here thinking I'd love nothing more than to skip my blog this week, you know, just take a break for once. But I know myself, and if I take one week off, it'll turn into two, and you'll never hear from me again. I give myself an inch, and I'll take a whole football field. (I absolutely love how many sports analogies I use daily--it makes me think I must have paid attention to sports at some point in my life.)

The great thing about getting older is you really get to know yourself. The bad thing (besides the wrinkles) is that you won't put up with your own crap anymore. Here are some of the stunts I've pulled on myself in the past:

I decided to exercise by doing the 30-Day Shred. But what's better than working out 30 days in a row? Exercising 60 days in a row! So I started...some nights I even worked out at midnight just so I wouldn't skip the day, and I got all the way to around 45 days until I decided to take just one day off. I haven't touched that DVD again since. That was 4 years ago.

I decided to do the Whole 30. But what's better than eating clean for 30 days in a row? Eating clean forever! So I started...I did great for the first month. I turned down desserts and starches at Thanksgiving, I declined wine (and relaxation) at Christmas, and then I decided to just indulge for New Year's Eve, and soon I was indulging weekly.

So why do I keep doing this to myself? Because I truly want to be that person who is exercising occasionally, who is making wise choices with food, and who is writing more than once a year. And when I'm in the zone, it's easy, I feel good about my accomplishments, and I feel strong! I also, it turns out, firmly believe that it is healthy to intermittently give up our vices so we can ward off addictions, or create some silence in our lives. Shopping, sweets, caffeine, alcohol, television, Facebook...you know, all fun things that we sometimes use to distract us from life, and a little bit of fasting can do us all some good!

So, what does one do when they have an all-or-nothing personality? Good question. You keep jumping on and off that horse. I continually set goals for myself--no dairy (makes me congested), no caffeine (makes my heart skip beats and Greg says makes me angry-WHATEVER), no wine except for if someone offers it to me, exercise for 15 minutes weekdays--and be okay when it doesn't pan out. The most fun thing for me is the few days before I know I'm going to go off something, because it's kind of a free for all. Take tonight for example. I'm about to go off gluten, dairy, and sugar again, so tonight I'm having cheesecake of course...and a lot of it! That way, when I wake up tomorrow morning all congested, I'll be like, "How wonderful that I'm off dairy again!" And it will be...for a while.