the story of us

This July 3rd is the 16th anniversary of the day I decided to marry Greg. It also, conveniently enough, marks the anniversary of the very first time we met. Crazy? Perhaps, but we all have a story...

The Story of Us, by Greg and Sarah Schemper

Setting The Stage:

Sarah: I was 25 years old with narry a prospect in sight. No, that's not true, there were plenty of hockey players in my peripheral, I was back on blind dates, and my old people (I worked at a retirement home) kept trying to set me up with their grandsons, but my prospects were none I was excited about. One year prior I had written a list of what I

need in a man, and I was determined not to renege the importance of any items, as I'd even gone to the trouble of writing "needs" on one side, and "wants" on the other (not shown here, but includes dimples). Around the same time I'd penned this piece, I also wrote a letter to God (a prayer if you will) stating that it seemed like He didn't want me to have any fun, and if I was to continue ignoring the advances of certain men, I'd need some sort of hope. My roommate Robin (yes, the wise one) said that we can't miss our man (if indeed there is one guy out there for each of us, which at that time I kind of believed), and that God would send him right to our front door if needed. Then of course, we'd joke about some random guy ringing our doorbell very confused as to why he was there. So, this is where I was at. In the throes of my youth, still brides-maiding for all my friends, living with girlfriends, and enjoying the single life. But I had yet to have a serious boyfriend (my dad called me the "one date wonder"), and I was starting to wonder if my man had gotten lost on his way to my front door.

Greg: I was 24, and have never been good at directions. I was living in a house with three other teacher friends in Ontario, CA, and for the first time ever I was committed to not dating...at least for a while. This stemmed from three things: (1) I had just watched one of the closest people in my life go through a terrible divorce, and now a relationship seemed too much of a liability. (2) I seem to have a knack for misreading women's intentions, to the extent that when I would finally get the courage to ask someone out, they were often already dating someone else. Or, I would learn 15 years too late that the neighbor girl who came over asking me to inflate her soccer ball, had little interest in soccer. (3) I was home for the summer to see my family, and didn't want a relationship to get in the way. I wasn't anti-women––I loved women--I just wasn't up for anyone unpredictable.

First Impressions:

Sarah: I'm friends with Greg's cousin Jill from Dordt College. I can clearly remember my Junior year, when Jill showed me a distant picture of Greg and said I should date him, but then said he went to Calvin and he had a girlfriend. Fast forward 4 years, to when Jill called me and said she had something "special" for me--her cousin Greg, who was living in California, was coming to visit his family in Grand Rapids, and she wanted us to go out. I said fine (as I was back on blind-dates, remember?). Greg called me one night as I was playing drinking Rummicub with my roommate Melissa. By the time I got off the phone with Greg, the conversation had gone so incredibly well, that I announced to everyone present that, "If he's at all cute, I'm going to marry him!"

Greg: Yes, the conversation went well, but I credited it to my new care-free, somewhat aloof, approach. When I didn't feel pressure, I could actually be myself. I had struggled to be myself before. My mom had always told me, "If you're nervous, just think of the other person to take your mind off yourself." But what if the other person is smokin' hot, and all you can think of is, "Man, she's smokin' hot!" Does that count? I think that makes it worse. Or sometimes when I thought of the other person, I'd think about what they might be nervous about and I'd decide that they're nervous that we might not have enough to talk about––and then I'd be nervous about that too! But this Greg was now in the past; this was Greg 2.0, so I was "myself." Besides I hadn't seen Sarah, so I had no idea she was smokin' hot.

Sarah: We were to meet at Rivertown Crossings Mall near the carousel. Greg had said he looked young, so when a teenager started walking towards me I held my breath, but he walked right on by. Greg finally came at a quick clip (he was running late) and I don't remember if we hugged or shook hands or curtsied. He asked me if I wanted a Cinnamonster, as Jill had given him free coupons, but I said no. Then we walked outside and I looked at him and said, "So you're Jill's cousin!" He said "Yes!" And I said I could tell because of the blue eyes. (I'm a great conversationalist.) I took a good look at him, and realized he was "even slightly cute." And we were off in his green Chevy Lumina...

Greg: I'm confident I didn't curtsy––I'm guessing I went with the side hug. As you might have already guessed, there was already one strike against Sarah--who walks away from free Cinnamonsters?!

Our First Date:

Sarah: I think part of the reason Greg was late was because he'd probably spent three hours writing up this list of things to do in the car on the way to Holland. I was impressed with his organizational skills, and we may have tried one game, but I mostly just wanted to talk. I couldn't help but notice that when he talked about his life and his future goals, there didn't seem to be much room for a woman in there. I was intrigued.

Greg: Now even if my new dating approach was to be intentionally aloof, I still wanted to have a good time, and I love my cousin Jill and think she's hilarious, so I figured she probably had good taste in friends. I have a problem with dead air. Women are so interesting, especially because I don't seem to understand them very well, so I tend to ask a lot of questions. In preparation for this date, I created a fool-proof dating plan, an itinerary for Sarah to pick from, so she was guaranteed to like her outing or have no one but herself to blame. In retrospect, some of the ideas on the surface might have seemed a bit risqué, like the car pastimes "20 Personal Questions" or "Your City Limits," but to not play even one game seemed a little hurtful, almost like she was out-aloofing me. Strike 2.

Awkward Endings:

Sarah: After supper we went to Tunnel Park, and Greg opened his trunk to reveal a cooler full of cold and hot drinks, and a sleeping bag. Hmm. I think the park was closed, so I don't think we stayed, and instead went to Till Midnight for dessert. It was there, while sitting outside, that I decided I really liked him. He was funny, easy going, and hadn't killed me at the beach. But what really sealed the deal for me, was on our drive back to Grand Rapids, he kinda bit his lips and revealed the biggest, cutest dimple I'd ever seen! Yes, I said to myself, he will do just fine. So when he pulled up next to my car to drop me off, and he didn't say anything, I just said, "Well, if you get bored while you're here, give me a call!" And then we hugged. I couldn't get a good read on him, but I had been quite charming, so I had a good feeling he'd be calling.

Greg: To be fair I think I had packed 2 sleeping bags, but in hindsight that does seem a bit odd. I remember that we talked a lot, and there weren't any awkward pauses or times when you catch yourself a bit too late repeating something you had said forty minutes earlier. This had been the best first date I been on, but I had little to compare it to. And what was up with, "If you get bored, give me a call"?! She made it sound like if I did call her, we might play tic-tac-toe or count ceiling tiles together. I've never had difficulty filling my time, and I could stare at a blank wall for hours and still not be bored. So because I didn't foresee any downtime in the near future and because of the two previously mentioned strikes, I was hesitant to call Sarah too quickly.

To Date, Or Not To Date, That Is The Question:

Sarah: The next day (which, if you're following along, was the 4th of July) I went to my parent's place, and my dad kept asking about this guy who I actually wanted to see again. But when I hadn't heard back from Greg by the next Tuesday, I decided I'd email him and invite him to see Taming of the Shrew downtown GR (as we'd talked a bit about Shakespeare--I probably didn't mention it wasn't my favorite). He ended up calling me at 11pm Wednesday night and I picked him up on Thursday for the play. This kicked off a whirlwind of dating for us. He came with me to Robin's wedding reception (which I was a bridesmaid and emcee) and sat at a table with my parents. We stayed up till 3am on my back porch talking, took long walks, and got to know each other. I was smitten and exhausted, so when he finally left three weeks later, it was bitter sweet. We said good-bye in his parents' garage and kissed for the first time. I went home, relayed the story for my roommates, and slept for the next two weeks. We had agreed to try long-distance dating, which worked out quite well besides one minor bump...but that's a story for another time.

Greg: When you're not looking for someone and that someone shows up, it may take a while to realize what has just happened. The first time that I realized I was taken by one Sarah Nieuwsma was when I was working landscaping with my brother Keith a couple days after our first date, and I couldn't stop talking about her. I would shout things across the yard like, "And Sarah works the Griffins hockey games" and "She grew up in Canada too"––stuff like that, that he may or may not have found interesting...but I was processing, slowly processing. And although I might have waited till 11pm the night before the play to call, my aloofness was crumbling, and I feared I had met the person who would flip my world in a very unpredictable way...and I might just like it.

And How Are You Crazy?:

Sarah: I heard an interview by Alain de Botton on This American Life podcast, where he said that most of the problems in marriage stem from unwarranted optimism, so a good question on a first date would be, "And how are you crazy?" I believe if we're super observant, we can see the crazy in everyone right from the get-go. I think I'm rather good at this, but Greg would say it's just me being critical. At any rate, by the time Greg left for California, I knew this about him: he is often late because he bites off more than he can chew, he is kind to everyone, he can sing Ben Harper's "Waiting on an Angel" while playing the guitar, he feels responsible for other people's happiness, he over-packs for every occasion, he does not rush into decisions, he asks far too many questions, and he was, most definitely, the guy for me.