decision making 101

Whenever we have our nephews overnight, we have a delightful time until bedtime. That's when I engage what little I know of Love & Logic and repeat over and over again, "Either you go potty and sleep in undies, or you wear a pull-up to bed." Until our 3-year-old nephew refuses both choices and we ever-so-lovingly pin him to the ground and force a diaper on him (as I don't want pee in our beds––I'm funny that way).

Did you know that we make around 35,000 decisions each day? And I always wondered why I came home from the grocery store exhausted (specifically when taking my children along). It's not physically grueling work, but it's a constant barrage of quick decisions, and a whole lot of, "Absolutely not, get that out of the cart!" They say we need to give our kids choices to make them feel empowered, but let's face it, some decisions are just too much for a kid (or adult) to make, especially if they're overly-tired. We Americans pride ourselves on having lots of choices, but is there such a thing as too many choices? Are we suffocating ourselves with endless decisions?

The bad news is, we're not capable of making 35,000 decisions each day. The good news is that our minds go into autopilot for a lot of these decisions. Like, what side of the bed to get out of, what cap to put on your water bottle, what to have for breakfast, or which route to take to work. And, a lot of our decisions are made for us by default, either as the path of least resistance, or a choice that comes because of another choice we've made. But then we're still left with plenty of decisions that make us pause, and every so often, ones that can even paralyze us for a bit.

For the most part, I enjoy making big decisions. I think it helps that I've gotten to choose between two or more good options, as opposed to the lesser of two evils. The first big decision I made was where to go to college. I grew up thinking I'd go do Calvin College but ultimately decided instead to go to Dordt College in Iowa. I remember standing on the cusp of this decision, picturing my life as a "choose your own adventure," where option A will land me with one job and husband and kids (I always assumed I'd meet my guy at college), and option B would look totally different. Talk about pressure! But in the end I gathered my facts, took to heart the advice of people who knew me well, went with my gut, closed my eyes, and never looked back. And this is how I've made all major decisions since then.

They say to "keep your eye on the ball," but I've never done that. I like to get a general idea of where the ball is headed, then look straight ahead and swing. (Maybe this is why I'm not a professional sports player. Well, one of the reasons, Greg says.) I had such success with this decision-making technique that I used it to decide who to marry, when to move, how many kids to have, and when to stop having them. Though to be fair, those last decisions were group efforts as I had previously decided to marry Greg (who ironically, was at Calvin College). Maybe that's the key--to make a best decision with the information you have and don't ignore your gutt-feelings. Red flags are thrown into the game as a sign of caution, not to be ignored. (What, am I a sports writer now?!)

In NPR's TED Radio Hour: Decisions Decisions Decisions, Sheena Iyengar talks of the heart vs. mind, or the gut vs. reason battle that goes on inside of us when we're making a decision. What do I want and what should I choose? What I want right now may not be what I want in 5 minutes--there is an inherent conflict. And while the desire for personal choice is innate, everything else is learned. (Huh, so our ability to make decisions comes from our parents?) The value of choice depends on our ability to perceive the differences between the options, because every choice has a consequence, but the problem is, we often don't know the future consequences of our choices. Or, even if we maybe kind of do, not all options show a clear winner.

Did you know that Mark Zuckerberg (billionaire and founder of Facebook) says he has a standard uniform: jeans and a grey t-shrt. He explained it by saying, “I really want to clear my life to make it so that I have to make as

few decisions as possible about anything except how to best serve this community.” This is not a choice based on ability or affordability, it's based on clearing some mental time for more important things. Maybe that's why Aldi has become the 8th largest retail brand in the world--they've taken a lot of the noise out of shopping by offering fewer options (and at a cheaper price!) If I was listening correctly to the TED Talk podcast, I would say the advice many gave is to take the small decisions out of our lives, or at least to not worry over them. Like which line is the absolute best at the grocery store, what to order at a restaurant, which shirt looks best on us--just chose one and relax about it. Save your mental capacities for issues that need them. There is a huge difference between regretting your order of calamari, and regretting your decision of who you just married, so spend your energy accordingly.

Thankfully Greg and I have been on the same page with major decisions thus far. When we were engaged, we were driving to Arizona and decided we should just elope--only invite our families and close friends. A couple hours (and a phone conversation with our parents) later, we realized this was not the best choice for us. A few months after we got married, we decided we should just have kids right away. But by the end of that day, we'd both changed our minds. This is kind of what we do. We toss out crazy ideas to each other, throw the ball around a bit (again with the balls!) and then if one of us doesn't come to our senses at some point, we go for it. We've left on last minute trips in the middle of the night more than once. We sold and bought a house within 2 months of even thinking about moving. And recently we turned down a free trip for two to chaperone high schoolers through Europe for 17 days. Call us crazy, but we'd really like our big European vacation to include our children (as opposed to just other people's children). We have yet to regret that one, but give us another week or so with our kids this summer and we'll get back to you.

So, why am I talking about decisions? We are in the process of re-roofing our mid-century modern flat/funky roof and even though Greg is doing it, it will cost us more than double what we have saved, thus a loan from his dad, which we've never had to do before and does not feel great to me. (Mind you I'm not saying we're a victim of our choices here, we are fully responsible for the decisions we've made in the past!) This feels like one of those non-decisions in that it needs to be done, assuming we don't want leaks this winter, and while it's not a fun purchase (kinda like buying sheets), it will be finished, and we'll move on.

Another decision we've been kicking around for years is if we're meant to take other children into our home (by means of adoption, foster care etc.). We even attended a Bethany Christian Services orientation meeting last year to learn about refugee care, and we both left feeling like it just wasn't the right time for us. However, I came home a few months ago and announced to everyone that I had great news--that I thought we should host international students through Greg's school. Everyone was quite disappointed in this news at first, as Elia thought we were getting a puppy, Greg thought I'd stumbled upon some money, and Kate thought we were going to Universal Studios. However, after a lot of consideration and meeting with several host families and students, we are all excited to officially announce that we'll be welcoming Catherine and Anny, who will both be freshmen at Greg's school this year! It will be an adventure for sure...maybe even better than Harry Potter World and a puppy? Perhaps not a good comparison, but the effects of this type of decision will be lasting, and will no doubt lead to countless other decisions.

So, there you have it. To re-cap, we all have 1) lots and lots of decisions to make every day, so maybe we should, 2) cut out some of the clutter by simplifying our lives and by shopping at Aldi, and if all else fails, 3) Sarah is great at making decisions, so, if you find yourself unable to cope, I'm more than willing to come over, pin you down and throw a diaper on you. Figuratively speaking, of course.