balance

I think I was fresh out of college, just into what I referred to as "The Real

World" (much like the MTV show minus the sexual tension), when I first realized that creating a true life balance would not be easy. Back then, mind you, my life consisted of balancing body care (exercise, good food choices, and great hair styles), work, spiritual care (devotions, etc.), social care (I had that one down), and financial care (thankfully I could live on peanuts--and spaghetti). While I never quite mastered complete life balance, I did find that if I concentrated really hard, I could have all of these "balls" in the air for short periods of time, and that was good enough for me, because I knew I would have things figured out by the time I was an adult.

Fast forward 19 years, add two kids, a house, a husband, a cat, and a Volvo to the mix, and now it's a crap shoot: any ball could be coming down at any given time.

Working full time the past several years surely hasn't helped, but I was able to get into a bit of a grove. Up at 6:30, out the door at 7, back home by 4:30, make supper, pick up, toss in a load of laundry, do the bills, fall asleep, then start all over again. But there's not much room for divergence, and my frustrations quite often lead to bi-monthly freak-outs when I felt like I was spending every Saturday digging myself out from under a pile of chores I wasn't able to get to during the week. Thankfully, I've been able to force myself into a hobby of cooking to the point where I actually enjoy it, I've started letting other people cut my hair, and I've mastered a cycle of exercise--on for two months, off for two years, and repeat. But devotions have not been steady for years, and while I am super good at emailing people back, I never call anyone regularly, even my mom, and then I start to feel guilty that I can't keep up relationships like I feel I should.

I used to think that if I could just do one day perfectly, and press repeat (as in the movie Groundhog Day), I'd be SO good! I would exercise first thing in the morning, do my devotions at night, fit in some intentional game-playing with the girls in the afternoon--after work but before I make dinner--do something creative at night, go for a walk with my friend, but also clean the toilets and have some friendly banter with my Greg. What a day it would be, full of meaningful encounters, fulfilling work, self-care, and great hair!

But life is not Groundhog Day. And achieving life balance is not something that I can just check off my to-do list.

No worries though...I have got to tell you, I've never been closer to meeting my goal of balance. Do you want to know my secret? I got a job where I work fewer hours! I know, it feels like I'm cheating, but I don't even care. Now, instead of working 38 hours a week, I'm working 25-30, and soon they will be afternoon hours (noon to 5). So, the first thing I did was write down my goals for each day:

Monday--pick up the house and write a first draft of my blog

Tuesday--catch up on laundry and pay the bills

Wednesday--take out the trash, publish blog, make grocery list for the week Thursday--get groceries

Friday--clean the house

...and each day I have to exercise 20 minutes and do devotions.

I've been in this schedule for 3 weeks now, and even though I only have an hour and a half each morning before heading to work, I can feel the difference! Not physically or spiritually mind you, I haven't quite gotten to those yet, but it turns out that 8 am on a Thursday is a better time to get groceries than 3 pm on a Saturday! And nary a freak-out in sight.

Unfortunately, life doesn't happen in a vacuum, so these daily goals get thrown off now and then, and before I know it, it's Saturday and I'm looking at this:

But, while the view from where I am now (deeply settled in the "real world") looks much different than it did all those years ago, not a whole lot has changed on what's important to me.

I think my balls are mostly the same, but my perspective of balance has changed a bit. I now know that I can't keep my life perfectly balanced, and that's okay. There will be seasons in my life when I focus on certain balls more than others, seasons where I'm one step ahead of everything, and seasons where I'm one step behind on everything, and that's okay too. Because what I think I've come to terms with, is that when a ball drops, I simply pick it up and throw it again.

Game changer!

(I feel as though there are a lot of sports references in this blog, which is ironic if you know me, but don't let that distract you from my point.)

There are different levels of chaos we each can handle. I can handle a certain amount of mess and disorganization, but I know my limits (which fall well above those of my family's limits!) I also know how much social and alone time I need to feel my best, and have learned to be very mindful of what energizes me/makes me better, and what drains me/makes me grumpy. These levels change and shift over time, and life circumstances are always changing as well, so there is not really an end goal that we are heading towards. Which leads me to believe that life is not about attaining balance, but about the art of balancing. Or juggling? No matter, I think you catch my drift.

A key for me is to keep starting, keep setting goals, keep throwing those balls back into the air. And do you know what? It keeps getting easier...my arm must be getting stronger! Maybe I don't have to work out after all?